Don't Let Me Go
by themanemmaloves
Summary: Killian struggles with sleep after the accident with Ursula.


Don't Let Me Go

It's been two weeks since Killian's incident with Ursula. Emma hasn't let him out of her sight for too long ever since. The only time they were separated was over night.

Killian tried to put on a convincable smile on his face every day, but Emma saw right through him each time. She knew he wasn't doing OK. But every time she'd ask him what's wrong he couldn't answer. He wanted to, but he couldn't. Some parts of him were screaming for her to help him and they wanted to say everything to her but other parts of him wouldn't let him. He hasn't slept a decent night ever since he was thrown overboard.

Killia Jones nearly drowned plenty of times, but this time it was different. This time he had something to live for. He had Emma, he had her family who was slowly becoming his as well... He had a home. And in the moment he fell into the water, they were all he could think about. His eyes were closed and his arms struggling to get him on the surface, while his mind replayed him his favourite moments with Emma. He struggled for nothing, Ursula trapped him under and he couldn't move up. He rememberred turning left and right, only to get one tiny breath and he couldn't. His lungs felt like they were burning and he was certain he was gonna die. His eyes were slowly closing and he was getting weaker by the second... Killian's last thought before he passed out was that last dinner they all had together. Henry and Charming teasing Snow while he and Emma played with her little brother at the dinner table. He rememberred Emma smiling at him when he finally took the baby into his arms and how she kissed his cheek after it.

And then, the next thing he knew, he was in a hospital with Emma asleep on his arm. She stayed all night beside him and he could swear he never loved her more then inthat exact moment.

But now, every time he closes his eyes he feels the water around him. He feels his throath tighten and his lungs getting filled with water even though he is not drowning. In the pass two weeks he slept for 8 hours.

Emma saw how tired he was and she saw how whenever his head leaned on something his eyes would close but immideatly opened again. He looked like he was afraid to go to sleep. And he was.

Today, she invited him to a small date at Granny's with just the two of them, and he was more then glad to meet her.

He walked to their usual table with the best smile he could put on his face and gave Emma a quick kiss on the cheek.

„Evening, love. Did you miss me too much? I mean we haven't seen each other in entire hour..."

She laughed at him and then snuggled into his shoulder, kissing his neck gently.

„Killian, look at me..."

Her hand found it's way to the side of his face and he looked at her with the most gentle expression he's looked at her in the pass few days. His kind blue eyes sotly narrowed, while his lips smiled gently and he felt like he could spend the eternity enjoying her touch.

„I know something is wrong. Please, please tell me what's happening."

„You don't need to worry about me, love. I'm fine."

„Killian you're not. You look like you got hit by a truck and you're acting strange. I want to help you. Don't push me away..."

„It was never my intention to push you away, Swan..."

„I know. So please, please tell me... What is wrong?"

He was still silent.

„Do you want us to go upstairs? It can be just us talking. Just please talk to me."

He took her hand in his and gently caressed it with his thumb. They locked their fingers together, and then Killian got up.

„Let's go."

He didn't let go of her for even a second as they walked towards his room.

Emma sat on his bed and he poured them both a drink. Hanidng her the glass, he sat down next to her and finally started talking:

„Ever since... I... Ever since the accident with Ursula, I can't sleep."

„What do you mean?"

„I can't sleep, Swan. Whenever I close my eyes I can feel myself drowning again and there is no way to stop. My lungs bloody burn and I can't move. All I see is you and..."

Laugh broke out of him for a short second and then he continued:

„And you're happy, and you're happy with me. Henry is happy with us and your parents support us and all I can feel is that I'm gonna lose all that... And that I'm gonna lose you... I can't lose you, Swan"

Emma's eyes filled with tears when she saw his do the same. She can't stand loking at him like this. Hurt, broken and traumatized.

She immideatly threw her arms around him and whispered:

„You won't, I promise, you won't... I'm here. I am still here. And you're here with me..."

He let his head rest on her shoulder as she continued to comfort him. She wasn't gonna let him go through this alone.

Emma raised his head gently with her hands and then pressed their forheads against each other.

His eyes were still closed and Emma was convinced he was just trying his best not to cry. Gently, she whispered:

„Killian?"

„Mhmm?"

„I love you. I hope you know that."

Killian looked at her and he was in a bit of a shock. He knew she cared about him but the fact that she herself said it now made him feel everything he hasn't felt in centuries. He smiled at her and tilted his head, then slowly whispered:

„I do."

„Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"

He nodded with a lot of insecurity. There was nothing more in this world he wanted then to wake up to her by his side.

She slowly took off her jacket and Killian handed her a pair of sweatpants.

„Are these yours?"

„I found them in the closet, I would never wear those bloody things."

She smiled at him and then slipped out of her pants and Killian turned around.

„Oh come on, you're seriously gonna look away? Now?"

„I don't want you to get uncomforatble, Swan."

„Oh please... Just shut up and turn around."

His familiar grin was just the thing Emma wanted and needed to see. She didn't break eye contact for even a second as she put on the sweatpants. He bit his lip and scratched his ear nervously before starting to undress himself. First the jeans and then jacket and the shirt.

„Swan, do I have to wear on those things too tonight?"

„Killian, wear whatever you want, I don't care. Just get in the bed already."

„If the lady insists..."

He layed down slowly by her side and turned around to look at her. His hand reached up to move the lock of hair falling on her face and then he moved himself closer to her.

Emma took his hand and held it firmly, with no intention of letting it go. She slowly approached his lips and when she finally kissed him, they lingered that way for awhile. Lips not fully parted yet, smiling into each others mouth they felt like they were alone in the world. This feeling was all that mattered now.

„Swan?"

„Mhmm?"

„I love you too."

Her cheeks blushed and she buried her face into his chest, spreading an arm around him and whispering back:

„I know."

_**The end **___

_**I'm so rusty, sorry about this.**_


End file.
